At our cancer support center in Westlake Village, CA we have a small brochure called "How to be a good friend to a person with cancer." We're posting the content here in the hopes that it will helpful to anyone with a friend or loved one who is fighting cancer. Please post a comment and let us know what you would add to this list!
How to be a GOOD FRIEND to a person with cancer:
Do...
...Offer your presence often and be a good listener when they are ready to talk.
...Laugh together.
...Say “I love you” and be yourself.
...Ask what you can do to help. Be sincere and specific so that they know you mean it. If they can’t come up with anything, ask again in another week or so.
...Use disposable dishwares when delivering food to reduce the stress of returning them.
...With their approval, arrange a phone or email chain to update friends on their condition, treatment, etc.
...Offer to help by driving them to appointments, taking their kids to childcare, and doing house cleaning, gardening, cooking, shopping, yard work, or babysitting.
...Respect how they choose to deal with their cancer.
...Tell them about the support, education, and hope they can find at The Wellness Community.
Don’t...
...Tell them that everything’s going to be okay because you don’t know.
...Tell them you know how they feel because you probably don’t.
...Be afraid to admit that you don’t know what to say when you really are at a loss for words.
...Hesitate to call them or leave a message to let them know you’re thinking of them.
...Avoid the subject of cancer if that’s what they really want to talk about.
...Be afraid to talk about your life. Just because they are sick doesn’t mean that they are not interested in hearing about you.
...Discount the real feelings they may be having by telling them not to feel that way, not to worry, not to be scared, or not to cry.
...Share advice unless asked.
...Be afraid to talk about difficult subjects. Ask them how they are feeling.
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